Secrets - A Holiday on Gallifrey
by Dr.Dalek
Summary: Theta knew that Koschei was into hanky-panky. But he'd never would have guessed that this special night would involve hanky panky and spanky… Rather funny and a bit dirty Theta/Koschei fluff.


"Stop it… that's far too tight!"

"No it's not. It says here…"

-Rustling of paper interjected by quiet humming-

"…here: 'If specimen appears to be slipping you need to tighten the straps.' And you're still able to wiggle around so they're too loose."

"Ouch, no, they're not…ow… They're cutting of my blood supply. Look, my arm's turning all blue. Do you think that' supposed to happen?"  
"Probably not," Koschei admitted before cracking a smile, "But we're still at the testing stage so a little collateral damage is inevitable I guess…"  
"Collateral damage?" Theta shrieked enraged, "You're talking about my bloody arm."  
"You can regrow another one," Koschei added dismissively before adjusting some screws at the base of the giant arch which formed the base of the construction.  
"No, I can't," Theta hissed, "I'm not a bloody starfish."

Koschei, annoyed by Theta's constant babbling and subliminal criticism let out a disgruntled sigh as he reached for the sonic screw wrench, "Must have slipped my mind. But…with the ability to regenerate, the glowing limbs, the pentamerousness, and the evident lack of a brain you're rather hard to distinguish."  
Against Theta's expectation Koschei didn't tighten the screws when he raised the screw wrench but brought it down hard on his ribcage.  
"And stop wriggling about! You're getting entangled in the leather straps again."

Oh, it had all seemed so romantic and enthralling.  
They, that is to say Koschei as well as Theta, Ushas and three other Time Lords who wouldn't want to be named due to their social prestige and whatnot, had been celebrating Ni'ala Krishoma in the traditional way, the same way Time Lords and Ladies had celebrated this holiday since the beginning of time: by consuming immane amounts of alcohol throughout day and night.  
It also involved a drinking game: the first one to regenerate had lost.  
And even though Koschei had tried his best to be the first thoroughly and neuron-killingly drunk (mainly because he disliked the colour of his hair and the shape of his earlobes) fait chose another Time Lord who cannot be named for legal reasons.  
Mainly because the term 'Lord' would no longer apply.

So they'd had a lot to drink. And even though the loser of the game had been determined Koschei and Theta had continued pouring alcohol down their throats to pass the time.  
And that's when it had happened.

Koschei had rested his head on Theta's shoulders as he'd cradled him in his arms. He'd spoken so kindly, he'd cooed and purred and whispered the sweetest compliments.  
Theta had felt his two hearts picking up the pace at the touch of Koschei's hand. He'd put his rising body temperature down to the drinks and the sleeplessness but deep down he'd felt that it had been Koschei's affection that had sent the romantic warmth creeping over his body.  
Oh, Koschei had been so tender and empathetic.  
And it had sounded so tempting…

"Let's try something different this afternoon… something special."

And Theta had looked into his eyes, the breeze brushing through his hair as he'd lain with him on the dark red field, a bottle of Whelsky in one hand (a cheap Whiskey, usually cut with whelks; a student desperate for a drink will take a sip and then another one after another to forget what it had tasted like until the bottle is empty…) and Ushas bra in the other.  
"Like what?" he asked for lack of anything more romantic.  
And as the sun had slowly set Koschei had chuckled and snuggled up to him before showering his neck with kisses.

"Something I've always wanted to do to you…my wildest phantasies…"

And now Theta was here, in Koschei's room, strapped to a shiny leather bed in a rather uncomfortable position.

To be honest, even naïve Theta could have guessed that this invitation involved hanky-panky and probably a bit spanky. And he'd prepared himself for something romantic, maybe something a little bit thrilling or just a quiet evening with Koschei poking fun at him for not knowing what a 'Backwards Tortoise in the Rain' was. (He'd secretly looked up the answer to that one in one of Koschei's naughty books: it included a basin, two hubcaps, a hosepipe and lots of lube.)

This in mind, Theta had frozen when he'd entered Koschei's room to discover that its interior had been transformed into something between a climbing gym and a butcher's: metal and ropes covering every free space.  
Koschei had taken him by surprised and, a short struggle later, had managed to tie him down between the burning candles and the heavy chains dangling from the ceiling.

Koschei had been talking about obedience and devotion a lot lately.  
If only poor Theta had looked up _those_ words instead…

"You aint misbehaving tonight," Koschei chuckled.  
"How could I?" Theta asked mockingly, "I can barely wag my finger at you."  
"We'll need to fix that, too," Koschei remarked softly before grabbing some more adhesive tape.

A few moans from Theta later his hands were glued together and his mouth was about to be covered by one last strip.  
"You can't do this to me," Theta protested, "I said I'd let you live out your fantasy but I never agreed to being wrapped up like a rolled pork. And if you dare put that tape over my mouth it will no longer be consensual."

Koschei placed the strip of adhesive tape over Theta's mouth with great satisfaction.  
Then he perked up his ears.  
"Did you hear that?" he asked.  
Theta's eyes widened in horror and he blew a fuse.

 _Oh my God I knew it the dormitory wasn't empty they're going to find us quick get off me they're going to come any minute now oh no that's all your fault and they're going to see us like this I don't want to be seen like this…_

Koschei slapped Theta's face before placing his fingers over his own temples and rubbing some life back into the itching skin.  
"Don't do that ever again!" Koschei roared before sighing rather stressed, "Don't you ever establish that mental bond again while you're having one of your rants. Did you even know how annoying your voice sounds in my mind? It's like the enraged squeaking of a very, very small birch mouse. And twice as ridiculous."

Koschei leaned back on the bed, hands in the nape of his own neck.  
"I'm going to have the worst headache of my life."

 _This life at least_ , Theta added in his mind.

"Shut up. Listen…" Koschei placed his forefinger on his lips and cocked his head to one side. Theta strained his ears, his eyes widening in anticipation, his gaze fixed on the far door.  
"Did you hear that?" Koschei asked again.  
Theta shook his head, trembling nervously.  
Koschei shrugged. "Neither did I. So let's get going… Where were we?"  
 _You were trying to cut off my arms from the blood circulation of my body_ , Theta grumbled mentally.

Koschei poked his finger at Theta's forehead while he ts-tsked disapprovingly.  
Theta narrowed his eyes at Koschei before they crossed to catch a glimpse of Koschei's hand.  
A gloved hand. Dark leather gloves.  
Theta rolled his eyes which earned him another prod between the eyes.

"Now, what did I tell you about disobeying my orders?" Koschei asked, in a viciously sweet little voice.  
 _You told me you were going to make me regret it_ , Theta responded via their mental bond, _But I didn't disobey you_.  
"I didn't allow you to speak," Koschei whispered into Theta's ear as he knelt down beside him, rummaging around in the usually overflowing boxes beneath his bed.  
 _That's not fair! I didn't say a word_ , Theta responded voicelessly.  
"What was that?" Koschei asked mockingly.  
I didn't say a word!  
"Sorry, couldn't hear you over the sound of me tightening the straps around your ankles," Koschei explained with a cheerful smile on his face.  
"Mhm…mghph…mhee…mhmhhhgh…" Theta groaned through the tape which glued his lips together and made him sound like a suffocating hamster.  
"Come again?" Koschei said and leaned over Theta. He removed the tape that concealed his friend's cute little mouth and cupped his hand around his ear.

"I DIDN'T SAY A…Oh, for fuck's sake, you put me up to this!" Theta protested as Koschei chuckled benevolently. Theta would have crossed his arms in front of his chest if it hadn't been for the straps and chains.  
"No, I didn't," Koschei replied innocently, "It was your own stupidity that led to this adverse state of affairs. Now, what to do with you?"  
"You mean, you haven't decided yet? Please Koschei, you…"  
"It was," Koschei explained as Theta was already biting into the hard rubber ball of the fancy gag which Koschei had forced onto him, "a rhetorical question, of course."

Theta sighed under his breath. He winced at the stinging pain at his thigh and tugged at the chains, writhing beneath the prickling sensation.  
Koschei held the dribbling candle in his gloved hands, staring into the flame with sparkling eyes. The blaze mirrored in his amber eyes as he drew the candle nearer.

"You like that, don't you?" he asked with a quiet chuckle as he dribbled some more hot wax onto Theta's chest, blazing a pointy trail across Theta's twitching body. Dot after dot marked the reddening skin, tantalizing Theta who moaned soundlessly.  
 _That's a rhetorical question again, isn't it_? Theta hissed via their mental bond.  
"Actually, no. I _do_ believe that you're enjoying this," Koschei wheezed into Theta's ear, smacking his lips rather obscenely.

Theta was about to lash out at Koschei but braced himself at the sight of Koschei moving the candle towards his groin.  
Well, he wouldn't dare…

"I would," Koschei reassured him while stirring the wax with small circles from his wrist before tilt it over. Theta supressed a cry by biting into the rubber ball as the hot way streamed over his genitals.  
Koschei withdrew the candle, blowing it out before brushing his cheeks against Theta's twitching skin between his thighs.  
His warm breath was a welcome diversion and almost kept him from kicking and screaming with pain.  
To Theta it felt as if his cock was on fire, his balls were itching like mad and he couldn't supress the urge to try and reach for his crotch; lying on his back, as he was right now, with his hand twitching in a fruitless attempt to ease the pain, he looked like a rather clumsy puppy.  
But cute.

Koschei ran his fingers over Theta's member, pumping this fragile organ of his with both hands while nibbling at it delightfully. To Theta's own shame he felt himself blushing, although it had seemed impossible for any of the blood to rush to his face while it managed to maintain his proud erection.  
Two more thrusts of Koschei's hand sent Theta quivering and groaning for more: which was, of course, the signal for Koschei to adjourn this pleasurable manual treatment immediately.  
Theta let out a dissatisfied whine and shot Koschei a reproachful look.  
Koschei shrugged it off and sought to find a more comfortable position on the bed.

"Don't give me that hurt look," he scolded Theta and patted his cheeks reassuringly, "You're really in for a treat today." He waved a hand vaguely over the various instruments of torture, neatly assembled on the bedside table. Theta's eyes bulged as he caught sight of the spanking paddle which his friend had chosen.

"With this I can show you my love," Koschei mused, his voice was sweet, oh so sweet it was almost dripping with honey and excitement.

 _Please don't tell me you're serious_ , Theta's inner voice remarked disbelievingly.

The paddle came down hard on Theta's thighs. The muffled yelp that followed almost instantly was barely audible.  
"You've spoken without permission for the last time," Koschei warned him before crooning with surprise, "Look how neatly the shape of the heart stands out on your otherwise reddened skin. Buying this one with the heart-shaped hole was definitely worth it."  
Theta groaned, helplessly trying to brush his hurting erection against _anything_ within reach. But it was no use, he was tied down firmly and couldn't move a muscle.

"By your temper you'll be covered with those lovely hearts soon," Koschei chuckled. Theta shook his head violently and winced at the sensation of the faux leather clashing against his skin again and again.

The next moment Theta could think tolerably clear again Koschei was unhooking the chains chafing against his ankles and lifted his legs to some extent, visibly enjoying the plain view he was granted at his friend's privates.  
Beside the heat Theta shivered und felt the blush rising towards his cheeks again.  
"Oh, so coy and shameful," Koschei ts-tsked while he kept tantalizing Theta with the paddle, "We can't have that. I don't want you to act the blushing virgin. You're not supposed to blush because you're feeling uncomfortable; your cheeks shall only redden when you're boiling with rage."

 _May I have the permission to speak?,_ Theta asked via the mental bond they both shared. His lips were chapped and hurt.  
"Permission granted," Koschei replied.  
 _Why do you keep talking like an idiot?,_ Theta asked and hardly flinched at the paddle leaving some more marks on his legs.  
"Ignorant as always," Koschei remarked with a grunt. He tossed the paddle aside and wrapped his fingers around Theta's aching cock, giving it a firm squeeze to hear Theta groan with pain and pleasure.  
"Your ignorance is driving me mad," Koschei spat, fumbling with his trousers as he straddled Theta to give his own until now covert arousal the space it needed. He jerked his stiff member free and stroked it furiously.  
"Always you're the shrinking violet, acting shy and bashful, blushing at every lewd comment. And they're all so stupid and fall for it, don't see that you're putting on a charade. They don't know what a pervy little slut you are…"

Koschei broke off, wheezing intensely. Small beads of sweat formed on his forehead, his eyes ablaze with lust and hunger for more.  
His hips jolted as he mounted Theta, grinding his haunches against his friend's.  
He groped for Theta's member and felt the hot skin even through his gloves as it nestled up against his hand. He gripped the sensitive flesh, pulled it towards his own throbbing member and thrust, thrusting them out of his hands and letting them glide back between his fingers. And he pushed and tugged, pressing their pulsing and dripping members together, dominating Theta's erection and subduing it, _forcing_ it into his rhythm, his own rhythm, not granting it the pleasure I needed right now.

Theta thrust against Koschei, grinding his hips desperately against the restraints, his skin chafing against the gruesome leather as he sought the release he was being denied.  
He gasped and yelped desperately, fruitlessly trying to spur Koschei on, begging of him the more intense and beguiling touch he needed right now.  
But Koschei denied him his pleasure, Koschei was greedy and abusive as ever, not allowing him his own bliss, his own climax, no he had to come first, as always he was the one who had to be served first.

Theta panted and wheezed fractiously. The growing pressure inside of him, the building up tension between his thighs was killing him.  
He couldn't stand the pain any longer.

 _Koschei please!_

Despite his strained expression Koschei managed to chuckle playfully.  
"No," he coughed before releasing the grip on both of their cocks. Theta wailed as his member slid out of Koschei's fingers.  
"You're oozing too much," Koschei panted and tried catching his breath as he took a break and, inevitably, Theta as well.

 _Koschei, please, I wanna… I can't hold on much longer, please Koschei, don't stop, don't stop…_

"You'll learn what true devotion, true submission feels like," Koschei explained as his gloved fingers brushed over Theta's hot cheeks tenderly.

 _Koschei please… kiss me…_

Koschei raised his brows at him before smiling nonplussed.  
"You're a softy, aren't you?" Koschei chuckled as he separated Theta's legs to get into a kneeling position between them. "But since you asked so nicely…"

Koschei leaned forward, grabbing Theta in the back of his neck and pulling him towards his chest.  
Theta's groin, awakened by the warm touch started to throb with anticipation. Theta bucked up his hips and thrust against Koschei, once, twice, before straining under the pressure of his own demanding lust. He groaned aloud as Koschei yanked the gag out of his mouth, finally feeling the release trickling out of his body as he ejaculated onto Koschei's stomach.

Koschei buried his fingers in Theta's hair and forced his head upwards, kissing him violently and biting into his lips out of pure frustration.  
He'd gotten the better of him. Again. Theta that sneaky little bastard had swindled him out of his own craving, his own power, his own _lust_!

Koschei gritted his teeth as he scrambled up and forward until his groin was level with Theta's head.  
He yanked Theta's head upwards and forced his throbbing cock between his slightly parted lips, penetrating his sore oral cavity brutally and much faster than Theta could bear it.  
Theta gasped and croaked, unable to breathe as his throat was clogged up with Koschei's desperately twitching member. He tried to swallow, spiting and coughing violently as he noticed that he couldn't. Koschei fucked his mouth, hammering his head rhythmically into the bed, drilling his anxiously dripping erection deeper into his friend's throat.

Theta closed his eyes, concentrating hard on not suffocating. He dug his nails into the duvet, saliva and pre-cum trickling from the corner of his mouth.  
Koschei let go off Theta's head and pressed his hands firmly down to support his own weight as he thrust his hips forward and came unto Theta's lips.  
"And if you don't swallow it up immediately I'm going to throttle you with that butt plug over there," Koschei rasped before slipping down from Theta's hips and falling heavily into the bed.

Absentmindedly Theta swallowed.  
He shook his head and groaned.  
"I hate you Koschei."

"I know," Koschei replied, still trying to catch his breath, "And that's why it's so much fun annoying you."  
"You didn't just annoy me you tried to turn me into your own private sex-slave," Theta protested, "And for your information: I'm not a masochist."  
"Yes, you are," Koschei contradicted, "You're spending time with me of your own free will. Secretly, of course, because you're longing for my oppression. You're the servant attending his master."  
"You'll never be my master," Theta snorted, "Mind you, you'll never be anyone's master in my opinion. Not unless you prove to be less boisterous."

"I know that I can be wild sometimes," Koschei sighed, "But still. I'm yours and you're mine and that's all that matters."  
"Yeah… I'm yours until I can wriggle free from your grip. You're a violent and abusive maniac and I must be madly in love with you, otherwise I wouldn't put up with your madness."

"Deep down I'm just a big softy," Koschei replied and chuckled as Theta rolled his eyes.

"And get me out of that… thing," Theta grunted while tugging at the restraints.  
"For your information," Koschei explained, "this is a possum travel crate for the unruly kind with extra strong straps included."  
"You've used a kennel as a sex-toy?" Theta shrieked before sniffing at the straps irritated, "Don't tell me that one's been used before…"  
"No," Koschei replied instantly but gave it some more consideration. "Rarely," he mumbled before adding eventually: "So I've heard. I'm due to return this thing 'til midnight."  
"Where to?" Theta asked as Koschei unfastened the knots around his wrists.  
"To the wildlife research lab," Koschei explained, "to get it disinfected. And if you don't stop gnawing at those straps I'm going to put you on a leash and tie you to the eaves gutter outside…"

 _"_ _Fascinating, isn't it Jack?" the Doctor crooned while leaning over the fish tank with his big magnifying glass in one hand, "They are called the Dancing Hearts, a rare type of dinoflagellates. There are 10 million specimen per cubic metre in this tank and each of them is, of course, heart shaped but individually formed, each with a distinctly different pattern. Hah! Isn't that wonderful, Jack?"_

 _He turned to discover a definite lack of Captain Jack Harkness right where he'd left him only a moment ago. But being used to the sudden disappearances of his companions and having the attention span of a hyperactive fruit bat he turned his attention back to the little whip-whirling plankton. Curiously he dipped a hand into the water. He moved his fingers tenderly as a smile formed on his face.  
"Heh… it tickles…"_

 _So, once again, he mused, he was covered with countless hearts.  
The difference being that he was alone. And that it wasn't painful this time._

 _Jack, on the other hand, was in very much pain right now, since the famous Cross-creeping Cow shark (Bos Canicula Crux Correpitur) had crept up on him and given him two or three experimental chews before swallowing him on the whole.  
But there'd be no sense in screaming for help. The Doctor had taken him to the "Aquarium of Future-kinds" out of hours and when he was engrossed in something it would take more than a platoon of Daleks shouting 'Exterminate' in eight parts.  
Well, possibly.  
On the bright side, Jack knew that he was impossible to digest (other animals had tried it before but that's another story) so he'd be spat out sooner or later anyway…_


End file.
